#It will make sense later | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

misslisamiray · 7 months ago

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Time for Chapter 8 of Down With the Rickness!

Morty has, at least for the time being, finally convinced Rick to give up on tying to get rid of his cold through highly dangerous scientific experiments. Now it's time for our favorite dysfunctional duo to take it easy and relax watching Interdimensional Cable.

What, you think I'm lying and that's not what's going to happen? That I'm adding another issue to make poor Rick's day even worse? Well, maybe. Why not read what's below the cut and find out for yourself?

A few moments later, they were back in the living room. More worn out than he cared to admit from the struggle in the garage, Rick immediately collapsed onto the couch, dropping the trash can that he’d once again brought with him onto the floor.

“You just relax and get comfortable, and I’ll find us something to watch on good ol’ Interdimensional Cable. We’re gonna, gonna have a real easy day the rest of the day. You’ll see.” Morty said cheerfully, grabbing the remote. Rick mumbled something unintelligible in response. Whether he was agreeing, arguing, or trying to suppress another coughing fit, Morty wasn’t sure.

“I know it sucks that you’re sick. But try to look on the bright side. It gives us a perfect excuse to just, kinda hang out together but not really have to do anything. It’s been a while. Rick and Morty, taking the day off, y’know?”

“Uh-huh. Just hurry up and find something. *Cough!*” Rick grumbled, stretching out more and shoving a throw pillow under his head. Morty turned on the TV to find loud, black & white static. No big deal. Next station. This one had wavy lines in varying shades of gray instead. Morty flipped the channel again, this time finding pink static with almost no sound.

“Huh. Well, I mean… infinite channels from infinite realities. At any given time, some are bound to be having technical difficulties, right? Kinda weird it’s three in a row. Haven’t seen that happen before. But I’m sure it’s fine!” Morty muttered, trying to ignore the bad feeling he had about this. Rick eyed the set suspiciously. Morty continued to flip through channels, only to find something wrong with each one. Some had static, others wavy lines, and a handful were badly pixelated. Most had either no sound or static noise, but some garbled words came through on a few.

“Coming soon: the sequel no one asked for, but everyone is getting!” Click. Silent black and white static. Click. Wavy green lines.

“Previously on our recap edition of the special edition of Soap Opera Summaries…” Click. Wavy pink lines. Click. A solid blue, silent screen. Click.

“New and improved, it’s Plumbus 2.0!” Click. Solid black screen with a faint hissing noise. Click. Red static accompanied by a horrible high-pitched noise. Morty flipped through the channels even faster, but still couldn’t find one coming in properly.

“Ummm…” he worried, shaking the remote in the vain hope that would do something.

“Yeah, yeah. I got it.” Rick said gruffly, dragging himself off the couch and over to the TV. He sat on the floor and grabbed the cable box. After studying it for a moment, he said, “Dammit, the quarantine forcefield interfered with the signal, just like I thought. Can I get one fucking break today?!”

“Oh. Can you fix it?” Morty asked timidly.

“Of course I can fix it, Morty. Hmmm. Besides the signal getting jammed, this crystal’s nearly worn out. So, I would’ve had to do this in like, a few more weeks max, anyway. *Cough!* Would’ve rather dealt with it then, but it’s whatever. At least this should be a quick fix.”

Rick tossed the worn-out crystal aside and pulled a similar, but not identical one from a pocket. It took a minute, since this crystal didn’t fit properly, but he managed to jam it into the cable box. Seeing that did nothing to improve the wavy picture on the TV screen, he scowled and tried to lift the top off the box.

Morty watched closely – there was something very off about Rick’s attempt to fix the cable box. Aside from the crystal not being right and him apparently not noticing that, he seemed unsure how to open the thing. Morty couldn’t understand why he wasn’t either smashing it against the floor like when he’d first installed the Interdimensional Cable or taking it apart with the array of tools built into his hands.

“Come on. Work already!” Rick muttered under his breath, shaking his right hand and trying to produce a screwdriver. Nothing happened. He punched the box with his left hand. Still no tools appeared, but at least he’d hit it hard enough to make the top of the cable box pop open.

“Rick, are your implants not working right because of your cold? Is this like, a thing that happens when you have a fever?” Morty asked hesitantly as he realized what was going on.

“Christ, is it that obvious?” Rick groaned, pausing his attempt to fix the cable box.

“Kinda, yeah. But also just sort of a lucky guess. I mean, you’re the one who said your temperature sensor things weren’t working, and it looks like you’re having sort of a hard time over there. But it wouldn’t be… as obvious to someone who didn’t know you like I do, if that’s what you meant.” Morty said. That got a heavy, disgusted sigh from Rick, who was getting some tools out from his labcoat pockets.

“Rick, you know it’s not a big deal if you can’t fix the cable today, right?”

“I can fix it, and I’m gonna! *Cough!* *Cough!* Fucking hell, Morty. It’s not like I’m on my deathbed here. A few of my implants malfunctioning a little doesn’t mean I can’t function at all, you know!” Rick snapped as he went back to tinkering with the cable box. He spent a few minutes tightening some screws and loosening others. This did nothing to improve the waves on the TV screen. Rick’s scowl deepened as he looked back and forth between the cable box and TV set.

“Hmmm. Maybe…this?” he asked himself, snipping a blue wire with a small pair of pliers. This produced a few sparks, but no improvements to the picture. Rick snipped a few more wires, one red and one yellow, then crossed the three of them together. This resulted in considerably more sparks, hotter than the first ones.

“Oww! Dammit, I thought that would work!” he complained, jumping back about a foot.

“Uh-huh. You okay? Or at least, not less okay than you already were?” Morty asked.

“Yeah. But that should have worked! Maybe if I just…”

“Rick, no. Whatever you’re gonna try, save it for when you’re thinking a little clearer, please. For now, you should stop before you electrocute yourself. More than you just did.”

“Even if the stupid forcefield messed up the signal, that should *SNIFF!* have been resolved once it was down. Changing the crystal didn’t do anything, either. Hmmm. I might need to check something on the *Cough!* roof.” Rick mused, completely ignoring Morty. He started to get up but stumbled and fell.

“Absolutely not. Rick, you can’t even stand up. You’re not going on the fucking roof! And, and if you try, well… I won’t take your blankets away again, but I will do my best to turn them into a strait jacket. Got it?” Morty said sternly. Rick rolled his eyes.

“I can too stand up, Morty. I just don’t want to right now. But fine, no roof. It’s not like I really wanna do that, either.” he grumbled in an attempt to save face. He haphazardly put the cable box back together, then threw the whole thing back into place. Suddenly, there was a picture on the screen.

“There was a 3 car accident this morning on the corner of First and Main. Be advised that this is causing traffic jams in all directions.” a bored sounding reporter droned, adding with slightly more enthusiasm, “And now here’s Janet with the weather.”

“Wasn’t this morning’s sunrise beautiful, folks? It was truly one for the record books. I hope you all enjoyed it, because we’re getting nothing but rain for the next 10 days. If you missed it, well, sucks to be you!” a pretty redhead announced. Her voice remained perky and energetic even when it was contradictory to what she was saying.

“Like I *Achoo!* needed you to tell me that.” Rick groused, searching in his pockets for something again.

“Let’s see what else is on.” Morty suggested as he changed the channel. The next station had an infomercial for tires. Ordinary tires, shown on a variety of ordinary cars. Not one spaceship or tire with retractable razor blades in sight. Next station – golf. Morty couldn’t help noticing that all the golfers looked human, and not one golf club was turning into a weapon or flying away. He flipped through a few more channels, all equally boring and surprisingly… terrestrial. Settling on a fishing show, Morty had a realization.

“Rick, you didn’t fix Interdimensional Cable, but it looks like you at least got the regular TV working again. That might have to be good enough for today.”

“Yeah, fine. Whatever. Works for me. Ugh. Morty, weren’t you supposed to get me more blankets if I agreed to leave the garage? I held up my end of the bargain, soooo…” Rick agreed. With some effort, he got up again and dragged himself back to the couch, settling into a corner. He finally found the handkerchief he’d been searching for and blew his nose again.

“Oh, right. You still can’t get warm, huh?” Morty asked, his concern growing again. He noticed Rick shiver a little as he adjusted the three blankets he currently had.

Equally annoyed by Morty’s question and the chills that wouldn’t go away, he answered, “Obviously not, no. So maybe do something about it instead of *Cough!* standing there? ‘Every blanket in the whole damn house’ is probably overkill, but don’t, don’t be stingy with them, either.” Rick could hear the whininess in his voice and hated it. He hoped Morty didn’t notice.

“I won’t. Just stay here, and I’ll be back in a few minutes. You need anything else, Rick?” Morty was, with good reason, clearly reluctant to leave the room.

“*SNIFF!* More tissues. I’d forgotten just how much extra mucus the human body makes when infected with a cold virus. Eww. This is gross. I mean, it’s kind of impressive. But still gross. You wanna see?” Rick replied. He stared at the contents of his used handkerchief with a mix of disgust and scientific curiosity.

“No thank you! Trust me, I’m good. Okay, blankets and tissues. Tissues and blankets. Got it. B-R-B.” Morty kept looking over his shoulder as he left the room. Rick studied the handkerchief for a few more seconds before deciding there was no saving it and tossing it into the trashcan. He leaned back and stared at the ceiling, half listening to the man on TV list facts about trout.

“When was the last time I got sick, anyway? Obviously not counting being hungover or poisoned. Sure, I’ve died a handful of times. Of the actual bones left in my body that I haven’t replaced with titanium, there’s maybe two that have never been broken at this point. No, wait. One. *COUGH!* But actually catching a virus from some random person? And a lameass, Earth-originating virus at that? The last time was definitely before I moved in with the family. Like, a lot before. Maybe after one of the times I pulled Morty out of kindergarten or first grade for a day?” Rick said to himself. He took a drink from his flask, grateful he’d remembered to refill it before starting on his recent failed experiment.

Putting it away and closing his eyes, he continued, “Elementary schools are basically dirty, oversized petri dishes. I remember that from when Beth was little. Shit, I remember it from when I was little. Some things don’t change, I guess. So yeah. Between kids being snot nosed germ factories, and my otherwise never being around other humans at the time, that checks out. *Cough!* *COUGH!* Happened more than once, now that I think about it. Might’ve been why I stopped doing that. Eh, it was still *YAWN!* worth it, though.” Despite how awful Rick felt, and most of what he was thinking about being unpleasant, a smile crossed his face, and he started to drift off.

Just then, Jerry walked in, holding a tape up in the air and triumphantly yelling, "I found it! Now I just need to watch the episode 2, maybe 3 times to make sure I don't miss anything. Once I've done that, I'll be ready to cure Rick. And then we'll see whose plan is stupid, Morty!"

"Obviously yours is, Jerry." Rick groaned before starting to cough again.

"What? You're in here?! Shouldn't you be in bed, or back in the garage, or maybe some kind of quarantine bubble?" Jerry asked, jumping back a little and nearly dropping his supplies. Besides the tape, he was also carrying a notebook, pen and pencil. Getting no answer from Rick, he quickly reassured himself, " Easy, Jerry. There's nothing to worry about. You've got everything you need to solve our little crisis right here."

Smiling smugly, he continued, "So does this weird sickness you have work slower in humans? The way you made it sound, it transforms from one awful thing to another pretty quickly. But it's been hours now, and you still seem stuck on these cold symptoms."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Rick asked groggily, opening one eye slightly. After a few seconds, he remembered his cover story. "Oh, right. That. Yeah. Good *COUGH!* job, Jerry. You hit the nail on the head. How long Mimicking Disease makes you think you have any one illness varies, but it does typically progress slower in humans. In fact, it can be so slow, I m-might just be stuck like this the whole time I'm sick." Jerry side-eyed him, and just missed putting two and two together.

"Well, that would be a lucky break, wouldn't it? You contract some alien virus that can make you feel like you have any disease in the universe, and all it does is imitate a bad cold? Sounds like you'll be getting off easy if that's what happens, Rick."

"Of course you'd think that. Personally, I'd rather deal with Venutian varicella or Floopfloopian ass fever or Morgluxian measles any day over five more minutes of this bullshit. *Cough! Cough!* Anyway, talking to you is more exhausting than usual right now, and I'd like to stop. So whatta you want, Jerry?"

Jerry took a few hesitant steps closer to the couch, asking, "Are those real diseases, or are you just making shit up? Are these things I have to worry about you bringing into my home?!"

"Calm down, Jerry. Everyone in the house, you included, is vaccinated against the one that exists and has a vaccine. One of the others has no preventive measures, and one I just made up to mess with you. No, I'm not telling you which is which. My throat feels like I swallowed glass, and this conversation needs to end. So for the last time, what do you *ACHOO!* need?"

“Well, I need the VCR so I can watch this tape, so I can help you, Rick.” Jerry replied.

“Uh-huh. So sit down and watch it. Interdimensional Cable’s down, and I don’t know about you, but I’m not exactly invested in the plot of ‘Guy Who Looks Like Gene With a Beard Stands in a Boat and Talks About Fish’.” Rick said gruffly, patting the couch and inviting Jerry to join him.

“Ummm, couple problems with that. First of all, I know you keep saying what you have isn’t dangerous, but until I’ve finished my research and am just about to cure you, I’d rather not get any closer than this. No offense, Rick.”

“Eh, none taken. That’s actually the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Of course, that might be *SNIFF!* just the fever or the crappy medicine talking. I’m… not really sure. Anyway, you could just sit further from me and watch whatever that is you’re holding.” Rick agreed, turning to face Jerry.

“I guess I could, but with all your hacking and sniffling, I won’t be able to hear anything. And it’s very important that I pay close attention to this tape, otherwise I might miss some key details, and my plan won’t work. *SIGH!* Not to mention, if I try to explain my idea to you, you’ll just trash it and mock me like usual. So I’d rather not tell you anything until I’m just about to put my plan into action.”

“Look, you’re *COUGH!* right about the noises. Can’t really *Sniff!* do anything about that besides hope whatever the uh, Mimicking Disease moves onto next is quieter. But I’ll admit, I’m intrigued by this plan of yours, Jerry. And whatever it is can’t be worse than Morty’s idea of helping me so far. So go ahead and tell me more.”

“You’re serious? You want to hear my idea, and you’re not just saying that to fuck with me?” Jerry asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow. Rick, who really did need a break from talking, nodded.Jerry debated it briefly, then sat in a chair, saying, “Alright. I’m still not going to actually watch it with you, and I’d prefer to limit time spent in the same room. But I suppose it won’t hurt to sit here for a few minutes and fill you in on the details. I know you’re more familiar with Sailor Moon than Morty is, so this is already a better use of time than trying to talk to him was.” Rick stared at Jerry, slightly more alert now and curious as to what the hell that was supposed to mean.

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